Emotional Volcano

Tomorrow I will be 37 weeks pregnant and, technically, considered full term.  Holy Cow!  I can hardly wrap my mind around the fact that at any time a third little boy will join our family.  I feel like a volcano erupting with so many different emotions that I can hardly begin to even put them into words.  But in an effort to help my sort through them....I'm going to try :)

In no particular order:

Eager

I can hardly wait to hold my little baby in my hands and snuggle him like crazy.  Jack and Reid have been talking about their brother for a long time and I am so eager to see how they react to their little brother.  

Nervous

I haven't forgotten what Labor feels like and I know what's to come.  I'm getting nervous about the pain that is immanent and how I will handle it this time.  I was able to deliver both Jack and Reid without any pain medication and am hoping labor goes just as well and I am able to do that again.

Overwhelmed

There is a lot that I have to get done in school before this little baby comes.  Assessments, notes for my sub, report cards, etc.  The list could go on forever.  Luckily I have  a great kindergarten team that I know will help cover for me should our little boy arrive earlier than planned.

Worried

We are going to be parents of 3!  Will I be able to handle it all?  How will the other two boys adjust to having someone else who needs mommy's attention as well?  I'm going to be so tired (it comes with a newborn).  Will I be able to keep up with the other two boys and make sure they know that I still love them to pieces even though their baby brother needs some attention?

We know that our little boy has a cleft lip and a possible cleft palate and I'm worried about how feeding will go.

Guilty

I feel guilty for even thinking this, "What will people think about my baby with a hole in his lip?  Will they be staring?  What will I tell them?"  After talking with the Cleft Doctor in Iowa City a few weeks ago, I feel so much better about what to expect and things we will need to do.  She told us that people will look because that is just human nature but it is a great time to educate others.  As a parent, you want people to ooo and ahh over your newborn baby...will people still do that even though he has a cleft lip?

Excited

I am so excited to be having another boy!  I think they are all going to be great playmates and love each other's company...most of the time :)  

Relieved

I am relieved to know that very soon I will again be able to see my feet and bend over to pick things up without a big 'ol belly in my way. 

Sad

This is probably our last child and I know that I will never again get to feel the movement of a baby inside my tummy again.  I will miss feeling his little movements and seeing the eyes of his dad and brother's when they get to feel (or see) him moving around.  It's bitter sweet that this is my last pregnancy and baby.

Grateful

God has entrusted another little boy to Lyle and I.  He has formed this precious baby inside me for the last 9 months.  Every little detail in our baby's creation has been formed by the hands of God.  He may have a cleft lip but he is still a MASTERPIECE created by our heavenly father and perfect in every way.  God has been busy forming the perfect little boy to add to our family....and for that, I am Truly Grateful!

All these emotions (and more) continue to swirl through my mind.  I may be a little extra emotional and hormonal.  I just hope I'm not the only mother that has experienced these emotions at one point in time.

Thanks for letting me erupt my volcano of some of my emotions.